Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Urban smell

July's Glossybox arrived today, what a thrill! I'm not sure how much longer I'll keep up my subscription to be honest. What I once thought was the most exciting thing since I had my picture taken with Percy Pig at Disneyland is now a monthly disappointment.

There's only so many trial size toiletries one make up bag can handle.  And now the cut backs have really kicked in, I'm sure there is something far more interesting / calorific that I could spend £12.99 a month on.

But what really made me question the merits of the Glossybox arrived in this months delivery. Among the Eye Gel (life's too short) and the Dry Oil (Dry Oil? Eh?) I found a small tube of perfume.

As you can see it was called 'Londoner EC2 Urban Fragrance' made by a company called Bex. "Hmm", I thought to myself, "this looks new. I'll just read what the bumf says on the card". And that's when I nearly spat my Cadburys Dairy Milk all over the baby. The description reads like something off The Apprentice if there was a task in creating a new Eau de Toilette:

'Bex Londoner Fragrances are contemporary, urban and sought after by the discerning few. Each one captures a distinctly characterful part of town. Some are feminine, some are masculine. All are essentially androgynous. Inspired by the rejuvenated East End; now the creative heart of London; EC2 is addictive and unique.

The fragrance is an irresistable blend of traditional British accords: lemon, lime, grapefruit and juniper berry, combined with a spicy heart of bay, nutmeg, cedar, tonka, black pepper and amber'.

What a crock of shit.

A) what's a tonka?,  B) since when are lemons, limes and grapefruits British accords? and C) What does that even mean?

Anyway, trying not to be such a grumpy old cynic, I was interested to see if my East End could be an inspiration for something, so I hauled baby down to Hackney to see if I could tap into some of this inspiration that Bex described.

Sadly, my East End only smelt of the Feds, CCTV, Percy Ingles and old rubbish.

Bex, you're fired.

In case you can't tell, I'm not really in a very good mood today. I'm tired. I need to cut my toenails. My hair is awful. My back is killing me and I hate the following:

1. I have developed a Fat Coke and Cherry Coke addiction.
2. I have eaten a bar of Cadburys Dairy Milk (120g bar) every day for the last week.
3. I am eating Leerdammer slices fresh from the packet and calling it 'lunch'.
4. The fact that my flat is too small but there are no houses to buy.
5. I'm dressing like a day release person.
6. And I hate that it's so hot but I can't open my back door in case a fox comes in and gobbles up my delicious baby!

Hopefully, after a good nights sleep, I'll feel better. Oh yeh, I forgot, I'm not due a good nights sleep until 2030.

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