Tuesday, 14 June 2011

June 15th

Tomorrow has become one of two days of the year that I dread immeasurably. June 15th and October 20th. My Dad's birthday and the date he passed away. I know its coming but still 5 years on, it feels no easier to deal with even though each year I hope it will. The birthday is a hard one since it always falls around the time of Fathers Day. Clinton Cards/Paperchase/Scribbler/WHSmith's everywhere you bloody well look!

I had a very complicated relationship with my dad, one where I never really knew from one day to the next where I stood with him. At times he was hilarious, caring and thoughtful but at other times he was not. For a long time I blamed his inconsistency on the stars (he was a Gemini, the twins, split personality) but maybe I just rubbed him up the wrong way sometimes. Even now though, I tend to be very wary of Gemini's and try to steer clear of them as much as possible.

Just because you are related to somebody doesn't mean you are destined to get along, which was a real tragedy for both of us. I know that I am not the same person that I was when he was alive because of everything I went through when he died. And I don't know if he would have liked this me any better than the other me but as time passes my good memories of him far outweigh the difficult ones. You can't change the past so it does no good to look back and wish things were different. Unless you are Marty McFly, it ain't gonna happen I'm afraid. So even though I still miss him like crazy I will try not to get too sad tomorrow and even though he is gone, he is most definitely not forgotten.

My dad on the left with his brother Tom, possibly around the time they were evacuated during WWII.

At school.

Taken around the time he was doing his National Service I think.

On a date with a girl that, despite her slightly eggy pose, probably would have been a lot less hassle for my dad had he married her rather than my mother.


No comments:

Post a Comment