Sunday, 6 February 2011

The exploding Moussaka Sausage

We are not Scottish. The Wig has never been to Scotland. So there is no logical explanation for the fact that he insisted on cooking us a Haggis (with neeps and tatties) for dinner. He bought it before we went to Sweden and I thought/hoped he would forget about it so we could sling it when we returned. However, he didn't forget about it and the night before we went on holiday I had one final chance to escape from it and offered it, in desperation, to my upstairs neighbour. I was sure he would jump at the chance as he's a pretty easy going chap who looks like he might enjoy his food, but he let me down. He's a Vegetarian. Or at least that's what he told me but to be honest if he offered me a sack of sheep guts I would say the same to him. So, it remained in our possession and has lived in the freezer for over a week until tonight, when the Wig had his wicked way with it.

According to the internet, haggis is traditionally served during the week of January 25th when Scotland's National Poet, Robbie Burns is commemorated. It's made of sheep heart, liver and lungs with a bit of oatmeal chucked in. When presenting the haggis to the table, you are supposed to recite the Burns poem "Address to a Haggis" while your guests do a slow hand clap. This ceremony did not take place in Hackney this evening. The Wig presented it, I said the Lords Prayer and hid a sick bag under my chair. Not really. Quite surprisingly though, it wasn't too bad although I would certainly not describe it the way The Wig described it to me, "It's just like a big sausage that tastes a bit like a Moussaka". He lied. And it exploded all over my clean oven so it was pretty obvious that the haggis and I were not going to get on. Pre-explosion, it looked like a shiny brown condom that had been inflated and post-explosion tasted like tomato ketchup as that's what I covered it with. Interestingly, even the Scottish don't like to think about what a Haggis is made of so they invented a story that states the Haggis is a small animal, native to Scotland, with 3 legs, all of differing lengths that makes a mating call like the sound of a bagpipe.

Apart from having my first taste of sheep gizzards (...gag...) I also had my first go at using Das modeling clay today. I really want to do a pottery course but still haven't got round to doing anything about it. Not only has it somehow slipped down the To Do list, I also have a vision of the kind of people that might attend a pottery class and I'm not sure I would fit in. Firstly, I don't own a pair of crocs and secondly I don't like josticks. Also, I'm a bit shy. But I recently discovered Das which is an air drying clay that you can use at home as you don't need a kiln. Perfect! So, this morning I made a 'Welcome to The Hackney Hotel' gift for my older brother. It's meant to be a coin dish or a dish for putting a watch in. Or an ashtray...? Peanut holder...? I'm not really sure. The first one (with the letter 'M' on) might end up in the bin as it was a bit trial and error and looks a bit scraggy, so I made another one using my biscuit stamp which looks much better. Not sure I'll be setting up my mail order coin dish / watch holder / ashtray /nut holder business anytime soon though...

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