Wednesday, 1 February 2012

'Noises Off'

Partial solitary confinement is continuing over here in E8, but that doesn't mean one can not flex ones brain muscles every now and then even if ones actual body muscles aren't getting much flexing. "Only boring people get bored" was another of my Fathers classic sayings, he particularly liked using this one during the school holidays. I think this may be the reason why I hate sitting around not doing things. I can hear my Dads voice ringing loud and clear in my ears. Please God don't let me be boring, please, Hello? God? Are you there? Coo - eee...

Anyway, so far this week, I have learnt the following:

* There is a fish in found in the Pacific called the 'Sarcastic Fringe Head'. This has to be the best name of any creature that has ever lived on planet earth. The 'Fringe Head' is a ferocious fish which wrestles its enemies by sort of kissing them to death. I really can't think of any words to describe how amazing I think this fish is. It definitely goes straight into my top 5 favorite creatures alongside the French Bulldog, The Pygmy Chameleon, Pygmy Hippo and the Naked Mole Rat.

* I am finding myself getting emotional at the strangest things. On Monday night I burst into tears at the train station when I passed an OAP playing Dire Straits "Walk of Life" on an Accordion.

* Liverpool Street Station at rush hour is no place for someone who cant not walk very fast. Its a miracle I didn't get knocked over by an over zealous commuter and end up flat on my back, which thinking about it now, is how my troubles began in the first place.

* I'm sad to say it but only women will ever offer you a seat on public transport. Chivalry is officially dead.

* After a small Facebook survey, it appears 'Muslin Squares' are an essential item to buy for the baby. I have no idea why I can't use my sleeve (or better still, The Wig's sleeve) to wipe up any excretions, but I shall be bowing to public opinion and purchasing some. I'm pretty sure I didn't have them when I was a baby and it never did me any harm. Or maybe it did. Maybe it's the lack of Muslin Squares during my formative years that accounts for all my 'issues' . . . .

*  Series 2 of Boardwalk Empire is just as juicy as Series 1, although so far it has a significantly higher nipple and muff count.

* If I don't talk to another human being for 12 hours my voice seems to seize up. I have however, devised a way around this by ringing my friends in India (Virgin Media) every now and then to complain about the appalling service they are providing which also serves to exercise the old vocal chords. And if I call from my landline it's free! Bonus.

* Never tell ANYONE your ideas for offspring names. Everyone will always have an opinion which is usually derogatory and relates to the smelly kid they went to school with or an evil relative that ended up in Prison for keeping body parts in their chest freezer. From now on, The Wig and I shall be keeping our list a secret and if anyone is rude enough to criticise our choice after we have actually named the baby, they can be on belly button stump duty as a punishment.  If anyone asks now we say we are going to be combing two family names for the bump and it will be called Leonard (The Wigs family) Henry (my family) . I don't think there's anything wrong with calling a baby Lenny Henry... Even if it's a girl, we chose not to find out what we were having.

* And finally, the most surprising thing I have learnt this week is that I actually quite enjoy knitting. The woolly rectangle is almost finished and I already have a request in to make one for my friend! (Although this request could have been a wind up/cruel joke thinking about it now . . .) But you never know, you might catch me on Dragons Den trying to rustle up some cash for my 'Woolly Rectangle' Business. Hopefully, by then I will have worked out a use for them.

Considering this time last week I couldn't knit at all I'm pretty pleased with this! Whatever it is.

I have actually been outside this week too. Last night I went with my friend to the Old vic Theatre near Waterloo to see 'Noises Off'. It's a Michael Frayn farce, written in 1982, about a Theatre Company attempting to put on a play and is full of slapstick comedy including sardines, fake Sheiks and old men with their trousers round their ankles. 

My friend had bought tickets as my Christmas present which was very kind and generous indeed, thanks Phil! I have never been to the Old Vic, which is a beautiful and very old theatre (founded in 1818!) so it was great to finally get to go there. I'd also heard about 'Noises Off' and was very much looking forward to watching it. I think the problem was that I had read so many reviews about how funny it was that my expectations were way too high. As soon as someone tells me how funny something is, my laughing mechanism freezes.

I did have a great evening, its always nice to be taken to the Theatre, but for some reason I didn't find it as funny as everyone else. (The majority of the audience was literally roaring with laughter including my  friend who had a laughing fit of such huge proportions during the second act I feared a cardiac arrest). And I definitely wasn't as impressed as the School Trip of teenage boys sat in front of us who were drooling over the sight of Amy Nuttal in her underwear. There is no doubt that the actors worked their socks off, its a very physical performance and at 2 hours long there is little let up for them, but I think I spoilt it for myself by reading so many reviews. More often than not its best to make up your own mind I think. All in all it was a nice outing and I would score 'Noises Off' 7 sardines out of a possible 10, but still think my favorite farce is Shakespeare's 'Twelfth Night'. Brilliant.

Anyway, I'm off to call Delhi, ciao xx


  1. Definitely definitely buy the muslin squares, you will be amazed at how much different uses they can have!!

    Totally agree, never ever tell anyone else your chosen baby names, I am not sure why people need to have an opinion, but they do! My Son's middle name is actually Leonard, after my Grandad. It sounds fabulous when I am using his full name when I am telling him off for example!

    I used to walk past the Old Vic every night on my way home from work, but never did get to get around to seeing anything there! Thanks for showing us what the inside looks like!

    Emma :)

    1. Thanks for your comment Emma. Leonard is a great name! And I can imagine how it sounds when telling you son off! Most people call me by my nickname but my real name is quite a traditional name and if anyone uses it on me I'm terrified!

      The Old Vic really is a beautiful place so you should try if possible to watch something there. Maybe you and Leonard could go together?! xx