Tuesday, 4 January 2011
The Root of all Evil
I can't quite believe I am about to write these words, but I have just got back from the Dentist after being subjected to Phase 1 of a ROOT CANAL! I actually don't know how it happened. And I can't move the right side of my face. I don't know what 'Dropsy' is but I reckon I've got it bad in the chop region.
The day started off pretty much according to yesterday's plan. I got to number 2 on my list anyway and then I got mesmerized by back to back 'Judge Judy' on Living TV. Big mistake, I lost most of the morning. I wont be turning the telly on tomorrow. I'd had another horrid night of toothache so made sure that even if I only got to number 2 of 'To Do's it would be progress, I decided maybe it wasn't good to rush into all my chores on my first day of unemployment, I thought I'd save a few 'To Do's for tomorrow...
So, who better to recommend me a Dentist than Greg Wallace! Yes, Greg Wallace, The egg faced one from Masterchef who "loves a cruumble"!
"I’ve had a number of dentists but I love this guy. He’s the most human dentist I’ve ever met. I used to get a bit scared but I don’t anymore, I look forward to my visits. As importantly I suppose my teeth look fantastic. I can honestly say I’ve never been happier with the look of my mouth".
Greg Wallace from BBC's Masterchef
Greg Wallace is as good as anyone to recommend me a Dentist, so what did I have to lose? Actually, I'll tell you. I lost over £450, the use of my mouth and any dignity I may have had.
Back in April last year on Good Friday (Good? Ha! That's a joke!) half of my right back tooth broke off on a Spearmint Orbit whilst I was waiting for a train. I was completely horrified but as I am a total wimp as far as the Dentist is concerned, I hoped maybe my half tooth wouldn't trouble me too much. I wouldn't bother it if it didn't bother me. We had a deal god damn it! Anyway, this worked fine for months until one night in September when I woke up in the night (before a shoot, yay) with a feeling in my head like I had been whacked in the temple with an axe. It was the worst pain I had ever had, but, like many so occasion's over the years, I put work first. I didn't have time in the schedule for a Dentist trip, so started scoffing Nurofen's like they were going out of fashion. Not a good idea apparently, did you know you can get addicted to them? I didn't. So, I've been on these pain killers for a while now, until today when I thought I should get to the bottom of the problem once and for all. No more axe head in the night for me!
However, I can't stress how big a deal this was. It was a huge deal despite Greg Wallace's recommendation. I had not actually stepped inside a Dentist surgery since I was 8 years old. The reason being, my mother always took us to the Dentist, then when she disappeared off into the sunset on a Goldwing with a man from the village petrol station, I dont think I ever went again. It wasn't like I'd ever had a terrible trauma with a Dentist or anything (the only thing I recall about our childhood Dentist, Dr Davey, were his amazingly hairy arms. I think we used to call him Dr Monkey, not to his face obviously), but it just sort of slipped off the priority list. I think its fair to say my Dad had enough on his plate with a 2 year old, an 8 year old, a 10 year old and a full time job, so I'll let it go. Today, though was a hugely terrifying ordeal, so I arrived nice and early and waited. And waited a bit more. And by the time I got into the Dentist room I was a nervous sweaty wreck and wanted to run out. I explained my problem, was pushed into the chair and given some weird 80's wraparound sunglasses to wear. Dr Monkey never made us wear these bad boys! After a quick inspection, the Dentist said "Ok, well we can take it out now or try a root canal". And that's when I burst into tears. I'd only gone in for a check up, I needed to think about my options but they wanted to operate on me there and then! Savages! But I was in so much pain, I had no choice. So for the last 2 hours, I have been injected in the gums (twice, as the anaesthetic wore off, I'm like Rasputin), I've had to bite down on things, spit things out, had bits drilled off and bits stuck on, I'm still in shock. And the worst of it is, I still have 2 more sessions to go. So much for my 1st day of freedom, its been like a day in a Torture Chamber. I suppose it's not all bad though, the fact I'm not allowed solids for a while could mean the chrimbo cheese belly might go down. And I was so embarrassed by my dribbling swollen face that I didn't want to get the bus home and walked from Clerkenwell to Hackney. That's over 2 miles! The most exercise I've had in years! Maybe the Dentist isn't such a bad thing after all.